Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
