So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
