You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
