dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
