when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
