Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Houston, we have a squirter
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
