Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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