i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
