i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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