I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
