wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
