At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
