Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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