An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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