he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
