Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
