Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
