he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
