I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
