Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
