dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
