So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
