that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
