Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
