Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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