I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
