Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
