Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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