nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You smell like a Billy Joel song
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
