I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
