ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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