i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Sober January is a disaster.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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