She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
That's intense
so let's talk penis.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
