Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize