I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
