Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
