did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
