Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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