we have pet lesbian snakes
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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