bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize