Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
