guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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