My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
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