Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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