I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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