Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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