Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
