so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
