1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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