Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
