i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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