Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
