I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
