Porn is love you can see.
Just cropdusted the office
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
