Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize