girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
