I CAN MOONWALK!
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
