Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Less talking, more tequila
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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