I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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