I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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