ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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