i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Enjoy the penises
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize