careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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