those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
