u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
