Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
